Talking Points about Marriage Equality

When you are in the field canvassing for supporters of Marriage Equality, you may encounter questions you have not had time to consider. Below is a list of frequently asked questions about the right to marry, and talking points. Our best recommendation is to not argue with people who are not supporters, but to be knowledgeable for those who are curious or undecided. Remember — calm, happy and friendly people win over public opinion!

FAQs on Marriage Equality

• Why the word ‘Marriage’? Why not Domestic Partnership or Civil Union?
  • Values: Are you married? Why did you choose to get married? Would you ever trade your marriage for something called a Domestic Partnership or Civil Union?
  • Gay and Lesbian folks want to get married for the same reasons as anybody else. Insert concise, compelling personal story here (either yourself or someone you know who wants to get married).
  • Rights: There have been attempts to create marriage-like relationships, but they don’t work. For example, Domestic Partnership and Civil Union laws still don’t qualify a spouse or children for health care coverage that employers only extend through marriage. If a loved one is sick and needs to take time off from work, same-sex couples are not eligible for family leave.
• Why do gay and lesbian couples want to get married?
  • For similar reasons as anyone who wants to marry. To stand in front of friends and family to make a lifetime commitment to the person they love. To share the joys and the sorrows that life brings. To be a family, and to be able to protect that family.
  • Marriage Provides Protections & Responsibilities. The legal and economic consequences of marriage affect virtually every area of life, from access to health care to parenting and immigration rights, from Social Security benefits to transferring property without adverse tax consequences. These protections are due those who are already shouldering the responsibilities of caring for each other and their families.
  • Marriage Protects Children & Families. All children deserve the right to insurance coverage, social security, emergency care and inheritance rights no matter who their parents are. All families benefit from the intangible reassurance that comes from knowing that your family is safe and secure.
  • Marriage is a Matter of Social & Economic Justice. The inequities and the legal and cultural second-class status that exclusion from marriage reinforces affect all gay people, but fall hardest on the poor, the less educated, and the otherwise vulnerable.
  • Marriage is Part of the American Promise: As defined by the United States Supreme Court, “The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men.” Every American deserves fair treatment under the law and the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, the very rights our country was founded on.
  • There’s No Substitute for Marriage. While civil unions and domestic partnerships represent significant advances toward recognition of same-sex relationships, they are not a substitute for full and equal marriage.
• How would gay and lesbian couples marry?
  • All couples who marry get a civil marriage through a license, usually obtained at a courthouse or City Hall. States could make civil marriage available to same-sex couples.
• Does civil marriage for gay couples affect churches or other religious institutions?
  • No. It does not affect religious marriages, religious institutions or clergy in any way. No religion would be forced to marry same-sex couples, or recognize same-sex marriage within the context of their religious beliefs.
  • Marriage Equality is About Civil Marriage, Not Religious Marriage. This is not about forcing any church to perform or extend religious recognition to any marriages it doesn’t want to. This is about the right to the civil marriage license issued by the state, which religious groups should not interfere with (just as the state should not interfere with religious ceremonies).
• Does this change the definition of marriage?
  • No. Allowing same-sex couples to marry does not change the meaning of marriage. It simply allows same-sex couples to marry the person they love, to establish and protect a family and to make a lifetime commitment in the same way that other couples are able to.
• Why start this conversation now?
  • It is time to start a calm, heartfelt conversation about why marriage is so important to so many folks here in Washington. The volume is simply turned up too high, and there’s too much political rhetoric flying around. Yet we know that the single most important action we can take towards achieving marriage for gay and lesbian couples is having conversations with friends, family, co-workers, neighbors – anyone who will listen – about why the freedom to marry matters to them. Don’t assume they know how you feel about it – have the conversation.